


Hot Damn.

by Akimoto_Kumiko



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Brace yourselves, F/M, Fluff, Horrible puns 101 brought to you by Sans the smooth criminal, I am simply too lazy to tag everyone, I have cursing problems, No don't I don't even know why I'm making this, Take Me Out - Freeform, i am trash, making it as I go, ohhhh, on a date
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-14
Updated: 2016-05-08
Packaged: 2018-06-02 04:22:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6550753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akimoto_Kumiko/pseuds/Akimoto_Kumiko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Watch me bullshit my way through this small fanfic. Story takes place in the actual world and not underground. It's a cold snowy day out and reader happens to find a bar. Well, you get the gist of it. <br/>Disclaimer! Undertale or anything related to it's works does not belong to me. Reader does not belong to me, you are your own person but I control your destiny on here (Ha). I only own my shitty ideas.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I BLAME GLOBAL WARMING. SCREW YOU TOO KARMA!

**Author's Note:**

> I salute your brave soul for trying to read this, my apologies if it's a waste of your time. Which probably will be-

" _Ah-..Ah-Choo_!" You sneezed loudly as the sound echoes off distances. Rubbing your nose with your warm wool mitts, you decided to take a look see of your situation. White. Everything is white.

BECAUSE OF THE **GODDAMNED SNOW**.

" _What even is this???_ " You questioned yourself squinting through the thick masses of ice fuckers. It was only the afternoon and the snow started relatively slow and peaceful until 20 minutes later Mother Nature decided to have her period. Now it seemed like a full blown out snowstorm!  Oh yeah, you were lost too.

Shivering, you pulled your scarf up to your face and let out a shaky foggy breath. Silently deciding on whether to slowly freeze to death right there and then or walk aimlessly to god-knows-what to god-knows-where  **AND THEN** finally freeze to death. You chose the more appealing latter. Hey! At least you die trying right?

But wait? How did you end up in this difficult situation anyways?

It all started when you supposedly decided to take a stroll. A change of pace. A walk to calm your nerves. You were more of an indoor person that stays inside of their room and spends countless and pointless hours on your computer. However, today felt like a new start. There was no particular reason for this feeling. You've done the same things like any other day. But.. today was different. You could just **feel it in your bones**. (SHITTY FORESHADOWING)

Anyways, while you were on your walk, it started snowing. Of course, being the average human person you were, you saw the weather when you were watching T.V earlier. You were prepared! Before exiting your house, you put on warm clothing such as your scarf, your gloves and finally your fluffy winter jacket. Huffing you held your head out in pride as you felt like you were ready for anything. "Bring it on nature! You got nothing on this!" you shouted, getting weird glances from other bystanders. Oh the irony. 

While reminiscing you only then realized your poor choice of words. "Is this karma?" You thought miserably to yourself. Shaking your head to rid of these thoughts, you put on a determined face as you walked forwards into the cold biting wind.

It had only been 5 minutes and you were already dead out tired. Knee-deep into the mounds of snow, you decided to take a short break.

Taking deep breaths you blew into your gloves in an attempt to keep your fingers from falling off. It was cold..So cold. Getting tired of breathing through your mouth, you decided to use your nose instead. A few moments later and then a succulent smell wafted through your nostrils.

Surprised you looked frantically around to find the source of the wonderful smell. It wasn't that strong, but it was there. Using your deducting skills, you figured food = warmth, warmth = shelter. With new refined hope, you immediately started following the origin of the smell.

Now, you weren't part dog, but your sense of smell was slightly keener than the average person.

Jogging had become running and soon, it became sprinting. The more you ran, the stronger the smell was and the stronger your resolve. Soon the outline of a building came to view.

When you reached it, the first thing you noticed was the brilliant bold and orange letters that spelled "Grillby's". The second thing was the melted snow around the said building. Any form of ice that met around the perimeter immediately turned into a liquefied state.

Gulping, you hesitantly put your hand in the perimeter to test it out. It..It was warm. You couldn't help to feel stunned. Gradually, parts of your body slowly entered the field until your whole being was in it. It was impossible for the cold to penetrate. Now..On to phase two. Opening the door.

Your fingers shook as you grabbed ahold of the knob. The pit in your stomach grew at the anticipation until finally. You opened the door.

Warm air and the stronger exquisite smell both flew into your face as your hair fluttered behind you. Your eyes were wide as saucers and your mouth was hanging open from the sight that was bestowed upon you. **" _What is this place?!_ "**


	2. Skele-Bro and Hot Elemental Guy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Skele-bro and monsters. Sorry if Sans is OOC.. I'm not sure I grasped his entire personality yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ( / v \\) A-Ah.. People are already seeing this... Erm, a big thanks to Shinju_Tori for actually liking this derp fic.

Still stunned, you stood at the doorway while looking like a gaping fish. Millions of thoughts raced through your mind, but nothing could help you comprehend your current situation.

 

Monsters. I mean, sure you've heard about their arrival towards the surface but nothing more. You've never seen one before, yet alone  ** _multiple_  **all in one building. Dog-like guys on your left, some plant thing with _reaallly_ sharp teeth on your right. But most of all. Who could miss the brilliant flame elemental in the middle!

 

And of course, your first thought was, " _Hot Damn_." Quite literally too.

 

Stuck in the midst of checking the fire guy out, you almost missed the short and brief contact of something fluffy. Glancing down, you could feel your body go rigid as your face once again becomes stupefied. 

 

A skeleton. A damn **Skeleton**. What next? Freddy Krueger?

 

"Hey" it said. " _Tibia_ I'm glad you're checking me out and all, but. Take a picture, it lasts longer." it then proceeded to wink.

 

"Oh god." you thought. Wait, was that a pun. Who the hell even uses that nowadays.

 

"Well, I hope I didn't _rattle your bones_ too much now." You swore you saw his forever plastered smile tug up a bit. "I'm Sans, Sans the skeleton." it then held it's hand out.

 

You stared at it like it was the most interesting thing in the world until you realized the act of kindness. Flustered, you shook it's 'hand'. The texture was cool and smooth, but before you got lost in your thoughts again, you answered, "I-I'm _____. Nice..Nice to meet you uh- Mister/Misses Skele-guy."

 

It chuckled, "I'm a guy. In fact I have what you humans call, a male's reproduction system. Ah, but we also use it for...Special means." Que eye brow wriggle.

 

"What the fuck. You're like a skeleton though. No flesh." you immediately blurted out with no time to understand what you just said.

 

It- HE, laughed even louder. Clutching his 'stomach' and wheezing before wiping away the non-existent tear on his 'eye'. "I like you kid. You new here?" Slightly flushed, you only nodded as you warily looked around. "Yea.. You?"

 

"Not at all, I'm a regular here." He shrugged then yelled across the room "Grillby! The usual."

 

Finally noticing of the skeleton's presence, heads turned and all the monsters yelled happily, "Sans!" Before resuming to their own business. It seems that no one recognized that you were human.

 

A motioning wave caught your attention. It was Sans signaling you to go in the front of the bar. Timidly you followed the smaller Skeleton as you both seated on the high fluffy chairs. Comfortable too. Not like those shitty chairs that make your ass hurt after a while. You noticed beforehand that the closer you got, the warmer it was.

 

Shyly looking up, you and the fire guy made eye contact. Well- Glasses contact. Eye to Lens. Mono oh Mono. (Ha no) What you assumed to be male made a face that said "What can I get you." Wow, hot and professional.

 

Looking at your new skele-bro for help, he answered for you, "She'll have what I'm having." Quickly dismissing the short panic moment.

 

Sans lazily leaned on his arm and looked at you, "If you don't know already. This is Grillby, the owner of this establishment. Really obvious since his name is of this place."

 

The fire guy, Grillby, momentarily flickered his flames but seemed to remain unfazed by the skeleton's comment. He then looked at you and nodded. A way of greeting you supposed. 

 

You weren't sure fire guys were your type, but holy hell was he your number one guy now. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this was shit. Sorry that it's short. Don't have enough time to bullshit more


	3. Can you screw an elemental??

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dorks and you doing something stupid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this shitty author is back with a new chapter after god knows how long. Sorry, no excuses besides tumblr and boning skeletons.

Shortly after what you assumed was a greeting from the flaming bartender, he swiftly left and headed to the back of the bar. Presumably grabbing your orders. Turning to your new friend, who was quietly watching at the whole ordeal, you shot a questioning look. 

 

"What? Don't you think he's _hot_?" Or rather _flaming_?" He doubled over chuckling at his own jokes. Ugh, what a dork.

 

A little flustered you rolled your eyes and scoffed at his childish antics. "Physically? Yes. He's made up of fire you little dweeb."

 

Before Sans could retort, the glorious man o' fire came back just in time to save you from the truckload of puns heading your way. Grillby placed two dishes in front of you and the skeleton. And to say that it smelled good was an understatement. It smelled _heavenly_. 

 

What caught you off-guard was that the dish consisted of a hamburger and some french fries. 'How could something smell so good but look so plain' you thought. Finally the skeleton had enough of being quiet and spoke out loud, "Try it. It tastes really good and not like those cruddy ones from that creep clown." (Ba da ba pa baa~ Sans is not lovin' it)

 

Shrugging you took a shot in the dark and took a bite. Your eyes widened as soon as the burger met your tongue. "HOLY SHIT THIS IS GOOD" you blurted out.

 

Grillby flinched at your tone, flames crackling and moving wildly. And Sans was watching lazily with a smug look while drinking out of a.. Ketchup bottle??! What! Nevermind that, you were brought back by the eerie silence of the bar. 

 

Blushing profusely, you immediately apologized for your outburst. You see shaking in the corner of your eye and you turn to see Sans covering his 'mouth' with his hands trying not to laugh but failing miserably. 

 

Your face was entirely flushed, blush covering even your ears. You did not want to look up for you were too ashamed to see the fire element's face.

 

Once the bar grew slightly louder, you coughed in your hand and glanced at nothing in particular. "-cough- So uh.. Is it hot in here or what?.." ending with a nervous laugh.

 

Finally gathering the courage to look eye to eye to the manager, you saw that he looked quite amused. 

 

A crackling whispering voice met your ears, "Was it really that good? Good enough for you to yell it out to the whole world to hear?"

 

Hoooly shiiit, his voice made you melt like butter. Hey..Can someone actually fuck a elemental and not get hurt? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *laughs nervously* so uh, that happened.

**Author's Note:**

> Have I mentioned that this is my first ever fanfiction? Comments, tips and criticizing is welcomed.


End file.
